Common Sense Refutation of 1. b4

 I am sure ICC player mast knows why his favorite opening 1. b4 is named after a Monkey or Ape, but he has mastered an opening where White can only hope and pray(Wesley So might be only chess player to appeal to a supernatural being to favor him in a board game) to EQUALIZE WITH WHITE.

The following game is an example of why White's queenside pawn expansion is unjustified and inferior theoretically. A Polish opening player is begging Black to react with unnecessary and weakening queenside pawn moves. 

If Black patiently bides his time, she will be rewarded with ownership of the weak d3 square as the above diagrammed position indicates. In fact, White has nothing better than the defensive Nb2 to cover the anemic d3 square!!

So this partially proves that the Polish Opening is labeled as irregular, and sometimes even inferior opening, for a good reason, but God bless Alexei  Pavlovich for his pioneering spirit!! 

Also even die-hard advocates like Josiah Brush and Rob Silverman deep down know this controversial variation does not have even any surprise value nowadays. At the club play level the opening still enjoys practical value against booked up fish who may not have read this article.

Orangutan or Polish Opening

Column Mate

 Canadian chess player Joe Don played poorly to let the below position even happen, but it is instructive nonetheless. 

I don't know if Column Mate is widely accepted in chess parlance or vernacular, but that is what happened to Joe this Wednesday night in the USA. Mr Maple Leaf attacked the Black Rook at c6 not realizing his blunder setup a mate in 2 owing to the f3 pawn controlling the g2 escape square.

So, by now, you all see why a simple Queen Sacrifice Forces Joe to tip over his King. Also observe that the Canadian only had his Rook to guard the mating g2 square, BUT that occupied a vital escape square for the entombed White Monarch. 

I am guessing Miss Jessica Era Martin, chess instructor par excellence, would know the name of this mating pattern.

Some Discovered Checks are fatal Blunders

 I am writing this partly due to Eric Camp's tireless devotion to the well known tactical motif of Discovered Check. I had a game with American provisional player Bigj18 where the ICC player automatically played a move that setup a Knight move Queen Discovered check on the Black Monarch at g8. 

Eric despite his two failed marriages has done a magnificent job of expounding upon the preconditions that must exist to ignore the threat of the normally DEALDY discovered check tactical theme!! Camp published a game where he was able to calculate that a threatened discovered check WAS NOT REALLY A THREAT AT ALL BUT, IN FACT, AN EGREGIOUS BLUNDER.

In the diagrammed position, Black can all ignore Whites threat by attacking White's very breezy King side with the move Qh3. After Qh3, White continued with Ne3 discovered check. After Kh8, White guards the g3 pawn with Nf5,BUT White just rips off the strong Horse with Rxf5 and wins easily due to Whites miserably developed Queenside including a "stuck Bishop on the back rank and a spectator 5 pointer at a1 that will stand witness to the impending REGICIDE!!!

Shout out and thanks to all my El Segundo California buddies! We shared a lot of good times, women, and male bonding!!

There is NO Mate with Knight at f8

 The English Descriptive notation equivalent would be "NO mate with Knight at King's Rook one", but that shit does not rhyme!! In the below diagram with WTM Swedish player Zorkne certainly must have thought he possessed the initiative, but notice that the Horse on f8 square guards the checkmate sensitive h7 square along the "permanent post" looking e6 square. So the minor piece located on the back rank protects two crucial weak points.

So Back stands better because White's e1 square is being gang raped by the doubled rooks and White Lady's eventual occupation of the b4 square. 

I hope that Brooklyn's Levy Rozman, the Gotham chess content provider, filed a police report regarding the home burglary that wiped out many years of chess wisdom and lessons that help me to briefly become a USCF rated expert. Eric Rosen and Dewa Kipas are also excellent Royal Game tutors who have fair rates and quite COVID compliant with my cousin's kids!!

Benin Chess Oddity

 I thought of social media Icon James B. Delmhorst  as I observed the following chess game by a dude named Suntzu76 from Benin Africa. This guy is very strong, but inexplicably resigned after dropping the exchange due to a Knight fork on the c6 square.

Now James from Connecticut, in the United States of America, firmly believes one has the right to steal any street sign with ones name on it. BUT what if your last name is STOP Mr Delmhorst? Would you really want to be responsible for a T Bone crash at a major intersection?!?

Fortunately, Nigerian Ministry of Education views chess as much more important than the ignominious online financial scams that originate in his country.

Instructive Mate in Seven

 The following position, resulting from a blitz chess game at the internet chess club, is a Black to Move and Win variety. The title of this article is a dead give away and provides enough information for an average player to figure out the forcing winning line.

BUT, would you discover the mating pattern in a real over the board game had you not been given the elephant in the room hint?  

Notice that White's f2 Bishop and f4 pawn occupy escape squares for the forlorn and isolated Monarch. Also fantasize about the g file being open after your Jonathon Rowson conversation with your h8 rook. Add the g7 Knight to the dialogue. After all, fianchettoed HORSES SUCK.

First Player Begging for Early Exchange of Queens

 There is a significant and growing number of ICC players who grovel, if not beg, for a very early Queen Exchange with THE WHITE PIECES!!!!!! This reminded of the humorous chess columnist named Wilson is Houston Texas USA who wrote extensively about the Idiot's Defense where Black invites a very early exchange of the Ladies. Wilson actually became quite well known in Hungary and remote parts of former Soviet Union with his expositions on viability of such a chicken shit opening.

There is even an idiot's defense accepted and declined variation to make matters even more laughable. The position you see below played in a 3 minute no increment blitz game at ICC shows Bergmann voluntarily weakening his g1-a7 diagonal for no apparent reason other than he is afraid to keep the Queens on the board for reasons unknown to this writer. I guess he is "being true to thyself" but I still find it extremely timid and unmanly. 

So what you see in the above diagrammed position is a moron's defense in reverse. Oh crap, I really can't believe I decided to even write about this!  Much more interesting is writing of Zaq Harrison attempts to relate our beloved Royal Game to never ending conflicts in Israel and Iran and the desperate actions of the Iran revolutionary Guard.

Breathtaking Drawing Apparatus

The following position actually occurred in 5 minute blitz game at the Internet Chess Club in Pennsylvania United States of America.

So it is definitely White to move otherwise Black b2 pawn promotes to either a Rook or a Lady with mate in two after spite interposition of White Rook to d1. 

Can you see why White can draw due to the breathtaking coordination between the Horse and the Tower? After Nh7 check, Ke8 is answered by Nf6 checking King and simultaneously protecting Rook. Also observe if the Black Monarch stupidly goes to h8 square, Rook h7 is CHECKMATE again with elegant piece coordination!!! 

Mrs Jessica E Prescott, also known as bounding owl, possesses much acumen regarding the nuanced connections between the Knight and the Rook.I believe she is employed by the same entity as Thomas Lucker who is a middle school organizer somewhere in Houston,TX. Rob Lazorchak has a cushy job in NYC teaching chess at charter school and is loved by staff, students and parents alike!!!

 

Stunning Drawing Mechanism stymies United Kingdom Jugadore

 MattF, a strong player out of the United Kingdom, blundered with the natural and apparently winning Queen promoting move b2 in the chess position you see below.

Can you see how why White has a forced draw with the Black b pawn one move away from Queening his pawn with check?!?!?!  The draw is based on the mating pattern on the square h7 where the White Knight both protects the White Rook on h7 and the g8 escape square simultaneously!!!

Also the White Knight at f6 guards the e8 and Rook occupied d7 square to SEAL THE DEAL. AINT IT JUST BEAUTIFUL AND HARMONIZING!!!!!!!  Emanuel Lasker is rolling in his grave about this gorgeously cute drawing mechanism!!!!!