Shortest Possible Mate allowed by Ostensibly Sober Chess Player

 A gentleman, who uses the handle Draconian at the Internet Chess Club, allowed the shortest possible checkmate with the moves 1. g4 e5 2. f4 Qh4 MATE  in a 3 minute Blitz game.

History people know that Draco was a harsh ruler and lawmaker, but it was this online blitz player with the high rating who was roughed up pretty bad taking it straight up the poop shoot after playing Henry Grob's horrible looking opening. San Antonio player Psychiatrist John Patty lost to it once at tournament in a Hospital I think. He then needed a shrink, whining and crying how should have punished the guy who had the nerve to play it against a master who had crashed hard into his 2200 floor. Do not think this is the same PHD who puts out his shingle in Oakland, California. 

Erik Kislik shares this writers perception that the Grob Opening sucks a big long one, but stories abound of weekend warriors playing 1. g4   or 1. ... g5 with Black and kicking some ass!

Also T. Gavriel, who loves the word vacuous, faced a strong exponent of 1 g4 but I did not get to see the whole game because of getting swamped by YouTube Ads. It's all good because Kingcrusher has a super sexy voice!

Making Outside passed Pawn a Blunder in this Blitz Game

 Was reminded of John Watson's excoriation of  rule dependence when when Chisel playing out of the United Kingdom played a3 believing his outside passed pawn would win. However Black's counter shot c3 forces resignation. 

White might catch up to the Black queenside pawns, but the Black King at e5 would rush to ingest white's defenseless peons at h3 and g3.

YouTube superstars MatoJelic and ChessFactor both seem to advocate unconditionally that outside passed rook pawns win in all variations. Maybe I was just more drunk than usual that night when viewing those videos cuz Nicky Pert does not make many mistakes when pontificating about the Royal Game!

"Universal" English Opening Setup EASY to equalize against

 I have a faint lack of respect for handlers of the White pieces who opt for safe play just hoping and praying, Nigel Short, that they can capitalize on a blunder by the second player.

A jugadore from the United Kingdom named OliverTheEighth has exactly this mealy mouthed approach in the following position. He traded off his Queen's Bishop for unknown reasons losing the "mini exchange" advocated by JEW HATER Robert Fischer who died on the the 64th square of the chess board still owing the USA a lot of unpaid income tax.

Oliver then arranged a rigid pawn structure and wasted tons of time getting his Horse to the d5 square which allows Black to reroute his c6 Knight to the Kingside while preparing c6 to drive away the Stead without a stable. 

Black won easily as his fianchettoed g7 Bishop landed on the g1-a7 diagonal pinning an impotent Rook at f2. 

A weak commentator at chess.com extols the "solid and flexible" Botvinnik structure without addressing how the Dutch Defense refutes it in the sense that 1.c4 f5  equalizes NUF SAID! Even weaker player and "chess entertainer" Nate Hill blindly plays the English afraid to play wide open tactically based openings.

Interesting points regarding the real King Oliver:

Puritan tenant adherents wanted people to spend Xmas thinking and concentrating on the life of Jesus Christ, rather than celebrating. Monthly fast days were also introduced to encourage people to focus on God our Savior.  This much the reason many people in the States HATE the over commercialization of the birth of baby JESUS!

If you were caught playing sport on a Sunday, you could be whipped OR harshly punished

Swearing was punishable by a fine, or a stint in prison GOD DAMIT

Prayer as it relates to Chess

 I know Brit Nigel Short, in an unprovoked fashion, made fun of Wesley So for praying before an important chess game. As bright as the sadistic King March dude is, he seemed to erroneously assume that the Philippine superstar was praying for victory.

Was reminded of this when I played a buffoon who goes by NeedGodCom at ICC. The hopeless position you see below, arising from the Rubenstein French Defense, was when the Jesus Freak spent 50 seconds in a 3 minute blitz game!

White's Queen is pathetically out of play and his King is about to be gang raped and the preacher kept on thinking or beseeching a higher power to help him out of this suicidal position.

I asked the guy after the game if he was praying during his irrationally long think in rapid chess. The resign button would have been the Christian thing to do don't you think Nigel? I don't think believers in a benevolent God are “superstitious,” “narrow-minded idiots,” but I do think they are cowards who don't realize we are just an animal with an overdeveloped brain who will likely suffer and die with no hope for an afterlife. We have teeth that are good at helping us eat dead animals.  Frat boys prefer anal sex like many other animals that grace this planet. We poop and piss very close to where our offspring pop out.  Sorry GOD does fit in to this scenario GM So. 

When Promoting a Pawn to a HORSE just gots to be Done

 Drechsler said he was taking into account Trooper Gary Sacco's friendly comportment regarding assailant's emotional duress and instability. 

So what has this got to do with chess in Massachusetts?  Officer Sacco did what most people would do when a pawn reaches the eighth rank. He promoted to the Lady you see on the d1 square in the diagrammed position with her target the mating f1 square! 

Garry probably has the blitzen program setup to automatically promote to a Queen(I know Detroit musician and tournament organizer,Tiger Fan Pete Nixon does), BUT THE underpromotion to a Knight must be around a checkmate in TWO!!  Like old Vic Kortchnoi said, " chessboard is NOT BIG ENOUGHT FOR TWO QUEENS"  So two bitches could only draw against a single bitch(female poker playing twitching Philadelphia girl according to Kraai not available for comment)

Thanks for everything you do for the community of Danvers SIR and we are glad you have the Royal Game as a pastime to blow off the stress and steam you experience serving and protecting our citizens!!!!

Make Luft NOT War

 The following position was reached against one FranticGopher in a blitz game at the internet chess club. Canadian Frantic Gopher is aptly named as his play is indeed and frenetic bordering on actually being sound. The chess player with the hummingbird metabolism has been spotted in Minnesota USA I think as well. 

You can not help but like the guy who wins via quality or pre-moving in the opening not caring whether he drops pieces just to rattle his opponents!  He is losing in all his bullet games, but still wins the majority of them. Admirably he is a staunch opponent of the knuckleheads who expect takebacks in Blitz chess. Some of those malcontents actually will let their time expire, rather than resign, if you do not grant the takeback!!  Pathetic existences they live.

In the diagrammed position Frantic Gopher is also losing AND WENT ON TO LOSE as White played the appropriate make Luft (German for air) move h3.  The weaker g3 allows the desperate varmint a possible perpetual check on the light squares! 

You must admit burrowing rodents of the family Geomyidae are quite cute. 

How to handle hyper patient White buildups against the French Rubenstein defense?

 Austrian chess player obt(apparently this stands for obituary which places him in the company of the infamous attacking ICC player Widowmaker), playing blitz at the Internet Chess Club, was in a prophylactic mood when he played the square weakening f3 pawn move with the White pieces. The square he fatally weakened was the e3 square. 

It was his reaction to a tepid system advocated by Rubenstein in the French Defense. The move f3, ostensibly, blunts Black slowly developed fianchettoed Bishop at b7. The move is a lemon as it denies the White Horse the natural and superior f3 square. Obt's plan was to place his horse on e4 hoping that Black would cooperate by capturing leaving White with the sought after pawn duo d4,e4. 

Author Hannes Langrock writes about this "solid defense"  to 1. e4, but his book does not address the very slow buildups that the first player has against this Black defense that cedes pawn control in the center.  So Ich habe eine frage. What does Black do about the almost Zugzwang positions that occur when White plays ultra patiently? Thank you in advance for your well informed and erudite response. Auf wiedersehen!

LOL Chess Queen surrounded in Middle of Board!

 Chess players are a cross between NERD and comedian as evidenced by the following Laugh Out Loud position where White managed to trap his Lady on a central square with PLENTY of pieces and pawns left on the board!!

Take a look for yourself, 7 of the eight escape squares for the entombed White Queen at d4 are occupied  by pawns or pieces. Black quickly reacted, in this ICC blitz game, with Bh6 threatening the sensitive black e3 square which was supported by the Black c4 Knight!!.

ICC member Alga failed to notice that Nf2 blocking the prelate check, was the only non losing move. The position resembles an Epaulette Mate Motif, but it is the Queen that is getting suffocated in this case. Some women enjoy being partially suffocated during certain sexual acts with Black professional athletes. Some will remember the alleged Kobe Bryant rape of desirous white girl where she wanted to be mildly choked while being bent over the hotel table in Eagle Colorado USA.

Quora content writer Abhijit Mohapatra would certainly be amused at this threatened trapped Queen tactical theme.